Edit: I forgot to mention this amazing video from Evelyn from the Internets called “Don’t be afraid to be seen trying”. WHEN I TELL YOU THAT THIS VIDEO SPOKE TO ME!!!
So last year — to catch you up — I’d started a YouTube channel where I basically did what I’ve been doing here (chatted about writing and had minor freakouts about querying), but, around midway through the year last year I went full Gemini and privated everything and stopped making videos.
Well, I finally accepted that that was the most dramatic response possible and, lol, put everything back up.
I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few months about what it was that got into my head in the first place, because, wow, I really did get into my head about it. I tried to ghost my own channel and pretend like I’d never allowed myself to open up on the internet for (potentially) anyone to see.
Vulnerability is, uh, not one of my strong suits.
But I’ve been thinking about that, especially in the last month or so as I started thinking about how I wanted to grow this year. I need (and want) to push myself into spaces where I have to let myself be a little more vulnerable — it’s good for me! And it’s scary when you’re standing there on the edge, you know, but it’s a YouTube channel, it’s literally not that deep and I’m literally the pro at making things like this way bigger than they are (especially when it involves opening like…. even the smallest door).
And if I’m really honest with myself, too, it became all twisted up in this idea that any time spent writing was somehow “wasted” time — like unless I was driving towards writing a new novel, editing a draft of something, or sending queries, I was just whiling away what would otherwise be useful time. It’s a mentality I’ve been fighting for a while (I even made a video talking about it at one point) and I still don’t feel like I’ve gotten over it, but I’m definitely trying to grow past it. And the best way to grow past it (or, you know, one of the best ways) is to do things I enjoy and not indulge it.
And I like making videos (even though I definitely still sometimes had to leave my computer because the editing was not looking right) and now that I’ve got a new editing software to play with, it’s like an extra puzzle for me. I like talking about writing and responding to comments and there was no reason to just… not make videos anymore.
So, you know, if you’ve been enjoying reading the blog and you find yourself interested in watching a video or two, there’s plenty of content up (and I’m planning a real-time query with me video that will go up this week). No pressure!!
I’m still going to be writing here — I love having this space — and I don’t have a schedule for the channel, but I think one of my big mistakes the first time through was making it like… almost professional in my brain right from the outset. It was about schedules and numbers and I drove myself out of my mind. So I’m breathing. And I’m back to filming.
askljdf I’m actually so excited omg
While we’re talking about YouTube, who are your favourite channels to watch? I’m always looking for new folks to add to my subscription box!
I hope you’re having a great Sunday. If you’re like me and the post-holiday return to reality begins tomorrow, I hope you’re enjoying your last day before going back to work.